Do you regularly walk a dog or dogs? Is it okay with you if someone pets your dog?
Dog owners and dog professionals such as trainers, walkers, and sitters often encounter strangers—adults and children—who ask if it’s okay to pet the dog or dogs.
What if it’s not okay? How do you say “no” to people who want to pet your dog?
Andrew Larson (Washington) When my kids were young, they always wanted to pet dogs—so we taught them to ask first. We also taught them that sometimes the answer would be no.
Why would you say “no”?
There are a gazillion different reasons why you might not want your dog to be petted at any given time. Taking your dog for a walk in a public place is not an open invitation for any passerby to interact with the animal—or with you!
You might be in a hurry, you might be in a bad mood, you might be thinking deep thoughts. It doesn’t matter!
Your dog might be new to you, uncomfortable with strangers, not happy to be touched. It doesn’t matter!
If you’re not absolutely certain that allowing the stranger to pet your dog at this moment will be welcomed by the dog, don’t do it! You have the privilege—you have the right—to say “no” to requests to pet your dog or dogs, whether it’s the dog’s decision (consent) or yours.
But it couldn’t hurt to say it nicely.
Kathy Smith (North Carolina) I rarely ever say no, since Indy lives to be petted . . . but there have been times when the environment made him unsure. That’s when he needs to focus and find his own calm. I don’t want to put someone at risk if Indy negatively reacts to something nearby. I tell them he’s scared and unsure and that it is not a good time for them to approach, thank them for asking, and swiftly move him somewhere else.
Donna Furneaux (Canada) When they ask, and they usually do, I just say that she is very nervous around people and might bite. In the neighborhood where I live, kids and their parents are very good about this.
Kathryn Horn (California) If a child asks to pet my dog, I always first compliment the child on being so clever as to know to ask that question. We can chat a bit about that, and then I can explain that my dog is in training and I want to help him always be good . . . telling them that he doesn’t yet know how to be good when greeting children.
Hilary Lane (Colorado) I always used to smile and say, “Thanks for asking! But it’s not a good idea today. She isn’t feeling well and may snap.” Then I’d move away quickly.
Christine Hale Vertucci (Illinois) I usually thank the person/child for asking, and then it depends on which dog they’re asking about. For Omar, I say he’d rather not say, “Hi”; for Kima, I say absolutely and then ask her to sit first. I rarely receive negative responses, and have been thanked for being honest when I’ve said no, especially since Omar is the one that attracts the most attention. I ALWAYS thank the person who asks first.
Lynn Brezina (Illinois) If it is a puppy, I tell them the puppy is in training and they could help me by not petting him because I don’t want him to jump on people. If the dog is an adult and an adult asks, I just say, “No. Have a nice day,” and I keep walking. If there is a child involved in the scenario, I tell them the dog can do some tricks if they stay “over there,” and then I have the dog do a couple of tricks. Kids are usually more than happy to watch a couple of simple tricks and then run along.
Geralynn Cada (Kansas) “Please help support my dog in training and allow us to continue training right now”—and they always support us. It works. Plus I won’t pause, so it allows us to slide on by.
Tim Beau (Oregon) Chiquis loves everyone, every dog. Lalo will allow an adult to touch his nose. So while the adult is touching his nose, I let them know that he might snap if they try to pet him. That’s usually enough, but sometimes they will push it, and I repeat the warning. When he finally snaps, it’s a warning, not a bite. For children, I body block unless they approach slowly, in which case I think they will listen to me and leave him alone. He’s quite reactive to children. It’s on a scale depending on age and rowdiness.
Trish McMillan (North Carolina) I agree with the others who always thank people, especially kids, for asking. Good behavior to reinforce! My Doberman doesn’t love being touched by strangers. She will tolerate it, but she is clearly uncomfortable, so I don’t force the issue. I don’t usually put her in situations where this would happen, but if it does, I just say, “I’m sorry, she would rather you didn’t.” And then put my body and stop-sign hand between her and the human as necessary, or turn and leave.
Amy Suggars (Ohio) “Thank you for asking, but he’s not friendly. He doesn’t like strangers.” I block them from getting close to the dog by stepping between the stranger and the dog. I do this whenever someone asks to pet a client’s dog that I’m walking. I don’t allow my clients’ dogs to interact with other people and dogs.
Lauren Fetterman (California) “Not today, but thanks for asking!” And I position myself in front of the dog or walk briskly past. I also add, “This dog is for looking at, not touching” to kids.
Jen Walker (Washington) “Thank you for asking” (moving my body in the event that they are closing the distance already or inviting my dog with a hand signal to swing around to my far side, away from the person, if that is a better use of space) “but she is often scared by strangers and might bark or snap.”
Morgan Fincham (Virginia) “No, not today. Thanks for asking,” and never stop moving. Keep moving. Step well away from the oncomers’ path, cross the street, treat-magnet the dog past, etc.
Photo by Cherie Marshall
Keep moving is a good strategy, but what if it doesn’t work?
Danielle Davis (Illinois) I say, “I’m sorry, *insert dogs name* is a mama’s dog and doesn’t like strangers.” [Have you ever had someone insist and try?] I have. I step between them and my dog or just walk away. I have had to get fairly rude in the past.
Bobbie Lyons Ccft (Oregon) I tell folks that one of my dogs is fearful of people and please don’t approach. Most people don’t want to get bitten, so they respect that. Usually my dog makes it look very unappealing to come forward. I also carry citronella spray, which looks like pepper spray. When all else fails I just grab that.
Janet Galante (Arizona) It depends. If people are just being nice and polite, I will say, “Oh, thanks so much, but she is very, very old and achy. Here is a little treat you can give her.” If it is one of my younger dogs, I just say, “Oh gosh, thanks, but she is learning to ignore distractions right now. Maybe next time.” If people are pushy, I just say no. If they are in full motion toward the dog, I physically place myself between them and the dog. If I have one of the girls and I don’t want them bothered, they are taught to sit between my legs and not by my side. Few people are that intrusive.
Chelsea Edwards (Oregon) Direct eye contact, forward weight distribution, serious facial expression, clear vocalization, and physical placement. Exactly how a dog would convey the same message.
Jules Weber (Maryland) Granted, my dog is a service dog, with a giant “don’t pet me” patch on his gear, but I still deal with this. Sometimes I’ll say, loudly, on their approach, “Thank you for ignoring him. So many people don’t know to ignore service dogs.” Right before their mouth opens to talk to him. Usually stops them in their tracks.
Service dogs, as we all know, should never be petted when they’re working. And if they’re in public with their handler, they are working.
Children may not understand what service dogs do and why they can’t be interrupted while on duty, so it’s a parent or guardian’s job to explain it, at the child’s level.
For dogs that aren’t “on duty,” it’s all about consent.
Sue Brown (Colorado) I say, “If my dog wants to approach you and be petted, you are welcome—but we let the dog decide.” They don’t know that my dog would never actually decide to be petted; she would always move away and avoid touch from strangers. They understand they have a chance, but that my dog gets to make the choice. I have them stop a few feet away, and say, “If she comes to you and allows you to pet her, you are welcome to pet her. But the dog gets to decide whether or not to approach you.” My students love this approach with their shy dogs, especially because it gives the dog a choice.
Here are several trainers’ insights into training your own dog to cooperate in making unwanted approaches from strangers much easier for you—and for the dog—to deal with.
Abigail Witthauer (Alabama) I typically teach my dog quite early on that a firm “No, thank you” means a treat will be delivered in heel position. We repeat this until we have a nice conditioned emotional response to a significantly firm “No, thank you.”
Now I can speak in a corrective tone (if needed) with a human approaching during training—without worrying about creating a negative approach scenario with my dog.
Step one: “No, thank you, but I really appreciate your asking first.”
Step two (if there’s more motion forward): firm “No, thank you.”
Step three: corrective tone, “No!”
This works really well for us and all the dogs/puppy raisers in our service dog school.
Micha Michlewicz (Maryland) I put my hand palm side out in the universal “Stop!” sign and tell my dog to stand “behind” so I can shield her. This should be trained in advance and practiced a lot so it’ll be reliable in different settings and conditions, including the excitement of the situation when someone is not listening.
A hand/stick target gradually moved into position behind you—and every time you move, staying behind you—is the way to teach it. Use a release word (like “break”) and offer a treat out of position to reset the dog’s position. This way, your dog will understand to move out of the position only when released.
I also like to carry an automatic push-button umbrella. It should be opened at a big distance from your dog and treats tossed over to them. The distance between them and the umbrella being opened should be decreased gradually. This should be used with the “behind” position, taught as described above.
A little bit of work up front, but worth it in the long run.
Risë VanFleet (Pennsylvania) My dogs have a number of distance behaviors. With kids and families, I ask them if they would like to help with some training. I show the kids how to cue the dog for a couple of behaviors, and then I let them toss down some treats—or, if that doesn’t seem a good idea, I’ll ask them to watch as I toss some treats. I give them a small task to do while offering a little bit of info/education.
If the answer is a solid no, I reflect first, then reply (to child), “I can see you’d really like to meet, but she is learning right now, sort of like doggie school, so I can’t interrupt her. Thanks a lot for checking first.” With parents who keep pushing too hard and refuse to listen to my polite requests, I get briefer and firmer and direct it to the adults. I will be very blunt if they still keep trying to approach. “I said no, and I mean it. Please do not approach farther.”
For those mentioning illness [to be given as a reason not to approach the dog], I once saw this backfire. Someone said about their dog [that the dog was contagious], the other person then raised welfare concerns because the dog was ill in public, and they even called animal control. That may not always give the broader message we want!
Anna Abney (South Carolina) I body block. Step in between, put my dog(s) behind me, and put my hand out in a “Stop!” gesture. When sitting, I’m always positioned so that someone would have to reach over me to reach my dogs. [I say] literally, “NO PETTING” in a very firm, authoritative voice. No explanation given, as people will just ignore you while they continue to swoop as you attempt to reason with them. It makes them uncomfortable and embarrassed, and they tend to quietly shrivel up and go away.
I also have a sneakier “polite” method that I teach clients who are uncomfortable with confrontation. I put “polite” in quotation marks because there is actually nothing impolite about saying “No,” but I recognize that many people have been socially conditioned to believe it is rude. For those clients, I have them retreat with their dog, saying “Oops, you’re in training!” Ostensibly they are addressing the dog, but it’s really for the benefit of the Grabby Stranger. Stating that your dog is in training seems to have an almost magical effect on the general public, instantly elevating your dog to a pedestal. People become impressed and much more respectful, and now that you and your dog are out of arm’s reach, you can sweetly say, “I’m so sorry, we can’t be petted today. We’re in training.”
For the dog, this retreat whenever someone approaches results in a food treat or affection from the owner. For the dog, people approaching cooing, with their hands out, becomes a signal for “Mom has goodies for me!” and the dog turns to the handler, appearing to snub the stranger. For friendly dogs, this reduces their fixation on strangers. For shy or aloof dogs, it helps them trust their owners to handle potential conflicts. I rarely use it myself because I have no problem telling people to back off, but not everyone is as big of a [redacted] as me.
I discovered the “trained snub” trick by accident! My English shepherd is super outgoing for the breed and as a young dog she was obnoxiously friendly with no impulse control. Picture a 40-pound shiny black ball of HAPPEEE! hurling itself at your face. So I taught her to look at me anytime people approached or spoke to her. Now that she has nice manners, she is sometimes allowed to let people pet her, but she is so conditioned to look at me, they rarely ask. When they do, they often don’t actually touch her because she shows them so little interest. It’s so convenient!
How do you say “no” to people who want to pet your dog?
